Letting Go: A Work In Progress to 'What Is'

 

It's that time where I contemplate some word or phrase to help guide me through the coming year.  I admit, in 2021, I fell vastly short in this task. I fell so short, in fact, that I forgot what my word was!  When I checked my blog, I found my unpublished post and while I did manage to find 'beauty' over the past year, I don't recall consciously relating it to my wellbeing even once. Fail! And so, I'm aiming a little higher this year.  The World is still in the crux of Covid which seems to be less about the disease and far to much about attitude. I believe in vaccination; I also believe in the right to choose what we do with our bodies. Covid is only one issue that I want a release from, emphasis on 'attitude'; I want a release from all the negativity.

I also have felt a need to divest myself of unhealthy relationships.  For the most part, staying connected with people has served me very well.  It's those connections that have kept me grounded when Life has thrown me curve balls.  It's those connections that not only sustained, but fulfilled me, for the last 12 years of my professional career. Almost all of these historical ties have served me well. Almost. Not all. But it's not just about relationships with people; it's about places, things, habits. When there is no longer benefit, the relationship no longer serves a purpose.  If it no longer serves a purpose, it's time to let it go.

There are a number of different words or phrases that serve the purpose of 'letting go'.  The concept is deeply rooted in the four noble truths of Buddhism.  While raised with Christian values, I consistently find myself turning to Buddhism as an ideology that most reflects my own principles and values.  

By using familiar examples, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh provides us with a simplified understanding of the four noble truths:

1. Suffering is universal because of the impermanent nature of things;
2. We create our own suffering through our wants and desires, attachments and expectations; 
3. If we let go of our attachments and expectations, we will cease to suffer;
4. The way to end suffering is through balance and by living in the present. 

Letting go doesn't mean we stop caring; rather, we stop clinging to our emotional response.  I admit, it's a very tall order for me.  While I live in the present, to some extent, I also have a love affair with history.  I love learning about my ancestors because I believe their knowledge and experiences form much of who I am.  I live in my ancestral home, filled with not only my earliest memories but those of my siblings, my father, aunts, uncles, grandparents. That's a whole lot of history.  

I have a deep seated need for control; where do I even start to let go of that? Truth be told, I spend an incredible amount of time and energy trying to control, well, pretty much everything.  Earlier this year, I had a health scare.  Upon hearing the preliminary diagnosis, my immediate reaction was fear; a whole lot of fear.  To calm that fear, I armed myself with knowledge so that I could be prepared for anything.  Had I simply been able to trust the process, to trust in the science, I would have saved myself a whole lot of anxiety and suffering.  While I was able to acknowledge my lack of control on an intellectual level, I simply wasn't able to manage it emotionally.  Someone recently directed me toward Byron Katie, who expressed this tidbit of wisdom:  “I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.” That is what I want to become, a lover of 'what is'.

And here begins yet another journey. Let the first steps be by embracing 2022 with heartfelt hope.  To accept those things I can't change, or choose to leave them in the past.  To release my fears for the future and live with both feet firmly planted in the present. Baby steps toward truly embracing the concept that, in the end, it will be okay. I will be okay.

Resources:

• https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-art-of-mindfully-lett_b_5929270
• https://www.ravasqueira.com/wp-content/archive/argumentative-essay/hinduism-4-noble-truths.php
• https://ideapod.com/25-profound-zen-buddhism-quotes-on-letting-go-and-experiencing-true-freedom-and-happiness/#:~:text=But%20according%20to%20Buddhism%2C%20we,to%20it%20for%20your%20survival.
• https://www.intentionalcommunication.com/letting-go-of-the-illusion-of-control/